标题: ACE雅思作文评论Sample---From Aaron [打印本页] 作者: ace雅思专家 时间: 2010-11-9 23:29 标题: ACE雅思作文评论Sample---From Aaron Shopping is always a significant role in people’s everyday life. [6]
In the old days, people used to shop for basic physical essentials such as food and warmth. [6.5]
By contrast, with today’s rapid development of society and economy, people seem to have shopping as a habit despite their needs. [7]
S
ome people are concerning about this phenomenon as it is unhealthy for individuals and society. [6.5]
Personally, I incline towards this opinion. [6.5]
There are a number of reasons that shopping has become leisurely activity in people’s daily life. [7]
The chief reason is people are surrounded by all kinds of advertisements and, which have a profound influence on people’s daily lives.[7]
A majority of advertisements are exaggerative, full of flowery words and traps. Many naïve consumers are misleading by advertisements and spend their money to buy goods they do not need. [8]
N: no sufficient evidence provide
The second reason is people have habit to shop online. As the technology develops incredibly, nowadays, people can shop online whenever and wherever they want to. [7]
However, most often people get used to shop online without a clear reason but enjoy the buying process despite whether there is a need to do so. [7]
As a result, many concerns are brought to my mind. [6.5]
To begin with, excessive shopping can lead to financial disaster. [7]
Buyers may not even realize how much credit card debt they have accumulated, or how many other bills went unpaid as they added another pair of shoes to the shelf. [7]
When people run out of money, they start with borrowing money, and taking on new jobs just to be able to buy things that are unnecessary. [7]
Besides, inappropriate shopping may lead to compulsive shopping which as regard as a psychological problem. [7]
From the above discussion, I strongly commit to the notion that it is urgent for people to realize how hazards will be if they keep still shopping as an entertainment regardless of the needs. [7]
TR: 6.5 [answer the question with appropriate evidences, however, no particular example provided in this essay]
LR: 6.5[can use different adv & adj, however, some words repeat serveral times]
CC: 6.5 [linking words repeat serveral times, although the main ideas and surrporting sentences are clearly]
GRA: 7.0 [can use different kind of sentence structures]
Dear Miranda,
I am so grateful for receiving your letter and being concern about me.[7.5]
[warm opening for informal letter]
It was generous of you to send me those gorgeous pictures we took in September during my stay in Melbourne. [7.5]
My favourite picture is the one we took in Tulip Farm which we were holding hands together in the ocean of flowers. [7.0]
The pleasant time we stay together is unforgettable and it was the best holiday I had ever have. [7.0]
I am so sorryl that I did not contact you for such a long time. [6.5]
转折幅度太大,和上句没有任何关系
The fact is that when I arrived in China on the 2nd, October, I was informed that my school had been start on the 31st, September which was a week earlier than I expected. [8.0]
Therefore, I was so busy for catching up classes. [6.0]
Fortunately, everything is settled now. [6.5]
As soon as I have time, I am now wiritng [-0.5] to you and I would like to invite you to pay a visit in my home town Shenzhen during your coming vacation. [7.0]
Not enough information for this trip
I sure you will have a unique experience here.[6.0]
why
Please contact me as soon as possible. I am looking forward to meeting you at my home and my parents welcome you.[6.5]